Reflections from a Labyrinth

Why do I stiff arm you, O Lord?
I walk alongside you, yet keep you at a distance.
Why am I afraid to let you close to me?
I know you have called me to be a priest and I want to respond to that call. 

So why do I keep you at a distance?
Am I moving towards you or away from you?
When will I allow your healing touch?

As I walked the labyrinth this year, I noticed how you were always at my side. 
Just like the poem, "Footsteps in the sand". 
Rarely, you were behind me or in front of me. 
Perhaps that is the way life is. 
You stay beside us most of the time. 
When we are focused on you, you are in front of us. 
When we turn our backs to you, you are behind us. 
But you are also behind us when we need a push or a kick in the rear.

The center object changes as I walk the labyrinth. 
God's presence also manifests in many ways. 
A card or call from a friend (not a hint).
A memory of a loved one. 
The face of a fellow companion on the journey. 
A particular phrase from scripture or another good book. 

God, I am not the man you need me to be, not yet. 
Perhaps I will be. 
Perhaps the gift bestowed at ordination may bring me closer to the man I need to be. 
But even if that does not happen, 
        broken as I am, 
               I give my life, myself, 
                    my all to you.